Hello! It's me, your ZZ Plant. I know you're excited about your trip, and I'm happy for you! But before you go, let's work together to make sure I stay lush and green while you're away. I'm a resilient plant, hailing from the arid regions of Eastern Africa, so I'm built for periods of neglect. My rhizomes—those potato-like tubers at my roots—are my secret water reservoirs. However, a little prep goes a long way. A day or two before you leave, please give me a thorough, deep watering. Water me slowly until you see a trickle come out of my pot's drainage holes. This ensures my entire root system and rhizomes get a good drink. But crucially, empty the saucer underneath afterward! I despise wet feet, and sitting in water will cause my rhizomes to rot, which is a sure way to end our beautiful friendship.
Where you leave me is very important. Please do not move me directly in front of a sunny window thinking I'll need extra light. My leaves can get sunburned! I am perfectly content in low to bright indirect light. A spot a few feet away from a north or east-facing window is ideal. The main goal is to move me away from any intense, direct sunlight. This reduces my water consumption significantly. With less light, my growth slows down, and I enter a resting state, meaning I'll draw very little moisture from my soil. Also, please keep me away from any heating or air conditioning vents. Drafts of hot or cold air cause me stress and will dry out my soil much faster than normal.
This is the biggest question, and my answer is simple: less is more. For trips up to three or even four weeks, you likely don't need to water me at all if we've prepared correctly. My rhizomes are designed for droughts. It is always better for me to be a little too dry than a little too wet. Overwatering is the number one reason plants like me don't survive our caretakers' vacations. If you are going to be away for an exceptionally long time (over a month), there are gentle methods. You could place a few ice cubes on the surface of my soil. They will melt slowly, providing a gradual trickle of moisture. Alternatively, you could use a slow-drip watering spike, but honestly, I probably won't need it. Please resist the urge to give me a "goodbye sip" right as you walk out the door; that extra water has nowhere to go.
Don't worry about humidity for me. I thrive in standard household humidity levels, and they won't drop enough in a few weeks to bother me. As for asking a friend to water me, this is often where things go wrong. Well-meaning friends tend to over-love with a watering can. If you must enlist help, be very specific. Show them my soil and explain that it must feel completely dry deep down, not just on the surface, and that I can go for weeks without water. Better yet, leave written, very clear instructions: "Do not water unless you are contacted." Trust in my natural survival instincts.
Welcome home! When you return, you might notice I've grown very little, and that's perfectly normal. I've been conserving my energy. Please don't immediately drench me. Check my soil first. If it's still moist, wait. If it's bone dry, give me a normal, thorough watering and let me drain completely. I might also have a layer of dust on my leaves, which I'd love for you to gently wipe off with a damp cloth so I can photosynthesize efficiently again. With this care, I'll be ready to continue growing happily alongside you until your next adventure.
