Greetings, bipedal sun-bringer and water-dispenser. We, the cacti, appreciate your desire to provide us with a suitable home. Our needs are specific, born from millennia of adaptation to harsh, sunny, and arid environments. To truly thrive indoors, we require a location that mimics these conditions as closely as possible. Please consider our perspective on the best indoor locations.
Our most non-negotiable need is abundant, direct sunlight. We are solar-powered beings. Our bodies are designed to photosynthesize efficiently under intense light. A minimum of six hours of direct sun is essential for our health; more is always better. Without it, we will etiolate—a desperate, unhealthy stretching toward any light source that results in a pale, misshapen, and weakened form. Therefore, the best locations are those where the sun's rays can reach us unimpeded for the longest duration.
For those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, a south-facing window is our unequivocal first choice. This aspect receives the most consistent and direct sunlight throughout the day. Placing us directly on the windowsill ensures we are as close to the sun as possible, with nothing between us and the light but a (hopefully clean) pane of glass. An east or west-facing window can be an acceptable secondary option, but we will receive light for only half the day (morning or afternoon), which may be sufficient for some species but is not ideal for most.
If a windowsill is not available, a room that is essentially made of windows—a sunroom, solarium, or conservatory—is a magnificent alternative. These spaces act as miniature deserts, often becoming warm and bright throughout the day. The all-around light exposure prevents us from leaning in one direction and promotes even, robust growth. Just ensure we are not placed in a corner where light becomes dappled or shaded by furniture.
Beyond just light, a few other factors in your chosen location are critical to our well-being.
Temperature and Airflow: We prefer warm environments with good air circulation. Avoid placing us in drafty spots directly next to frequently opened doors in winter or directly under an air conditioning vent in summer. Stagnant, humid air can encourage fungal rot, while a constant cold draft can shock our systems.
Proximity to Water: This is a plea: please do not place us in your kitchen or bathroom. While you may think the humidity is nice, for us, it is a threat. The constant, unpredictable moisture in the air drastically increases the risk of rot at our base, a often fatal condition. We prefer a dry, stable atmosphere.
For the sake of our survival, please never place us in these locations:
Dark Corners and North-Facing Rooms: These are dim, light-starved prisons that will lead to a slow, etiolated demise.
The Center of a Room: Away from any window, the light levels are too diffuse and weak for our needs. We will not thank you for it.
Directly Above a Radiator: While we enjoy warmth, the intense, dry heat from a radiator will bake our roots and dehydrate us far too quickly, leading to severe stress and scarring.
